Science Center Stage: The Imaginary Friend
I’ll admit it: I had an imaginary friend when I was a little kid. His name is lost to time now, but I certainly remember playing with him when no one was around. These types of “friends” can take many shapes, from fantastical representations of a beloved stuffed animal (Calvin and Hobbes, anyone?) to simple human forms. And guess what? It would appear that by age seven, nearly two thirds of children have imaginary friends, so you aren’t alone. Having an imaginary friend can be good for your child. Let’s find out how…
Imaginary Friend, Real Benefits
So what are the benefits? Recent research indicates that imaginary friends allow kids to do work out whether a decision is acceptable to a parent. They transfer the behavior to the friend and have a conversation that goes something like this:
“Mommy? Fuzzy Francis wanted to go for a walk in the woods.”
“Well…the woods certainly is a fun place, but you can’t go there by yourself…even if Fuzzy Francis wants to. You need Mommy or Daddy with you, okay?”
This allows a young child to distance themselves from a choice and try it out without feeling anxious about being corrected. The answer is hopefully filed away under “appropriate activity” and learning takes place.
Sociability
Many parents worry that imaginary friends might curtail making actual friends. Research indicates that this is not the case at all. There is no numerical correlation between imaginary friends and real friends, however, children with imaginary friends, according to pediatrician, Dr. Claire McCarthy, tend “to be very sociable and have better “social understanding,” or the ability to see the world through someone else’s eyes.” In other words, having an imaginary friend can aid in developing empathy.
And what about understanding what’s real and imaginary? Well, it seems kids get it. From Dr. McCarthy’s article: Parents also worry that having an imaginary friend means that children are confused about what is real and what is not. This isn’t true either. Children know the difference between real and imaginary friends. In fact, children in the study often stopped researchers in the midst of their questions to make sure that the researchers understood that the friends weren’t real!
Processing Emotion
What about processing difficult life events, such as moving to a new home or school, or the loss of a loved one? Often times, children will have discussions with their imaginary friends about difficult issues, then relay these discussions to Mom and Dad. Again, a child might transfer complex emotional reaction onto the imaginary friends, as in the example above, which frees them to discuss an issue when, otherwise, they might not.
“Daddy, Fuzzy Francis really doesn’t want to move. He’s really sad about leaving this neighborhood.”
“I know, kiddo. It’s tough to leave a place you love for something new. But it’s exciting, too! And guess what? Just like you have us to help you when you are feeling down, Fuzzy Francis is sure lucky to have you to cheer him up!”
In this little scene, the parent acknowledges the emotion (thereby indicating it’s okay to have those feelings), the imaginary friend, and lifts the child up, praising her and her role as supportive friend, all while reminding the child that Mom and Dad are their for her – all if this because the child shared some information about her imaginary friend.
Problem Solving Skills
Another recent study tells us that children with imaginary playmates develop better problem solving abilities. How, you ask? Well, as it turns out, they are doing what most of us do – talking things through. How many of us talk to ourselves when working out the details of a task or fleshing out the solution to a challenging problem? I bet that percentage is pretty high! Kids who engage in imaginary play of this type are developing the ability to think through cognitive tasks when talking with those invisible play partners. And that’s a good thing. These benefits can have a tremendously positive impact on the development of young children. Engage with your kids. Ask them about their imaginary friends. In the process you will help them learn about the world and you will learn more about them.
For more reading on imaginary friends, check out Dr. Marjorie Taylor’s book, Imaginary Companions and the Children who Create Them, published by Oxford University Press.
